If there is one thing my mother hates more than if you wipe your nose on your napkin and put it on the table is the band Chicago. You see, my uncle was still in high school when my mother lived at home during college. The only record he owned was a Chicago album. Now, I think most people go through a phase like this, where you only have or only listen to one album. Not usually a big deal. Except when you live in a five room apartment without outdoor space, with your parents and younger brother, working and going to school. My other uncle had already flown the coop by then, and I can’t even imagine what a personal hell this apartment would have been like. My mother’s reaction to hearing Chicago in any fashion, whether it be radio, in a commercial, on a CD, a cellphone ringtone, is knee-jerk. All 5′3″ of her stiffens and she looks around for the source of the devil sounds. When she locates the source, whether child, television or other appliance it is immediately beaten into submission. OUR HOME IS A CHICAGO FREE ZONE. THERE ARE NO SATURDAYS IN THE PARK AROUND HERE. YOU KEEP THAT SHIT OUT OF MY HOUSE. I DO NOT CARE WHAT TIME IT REALLY IS.

Chicago was a forbidden fruit, along with MTV and the 11am service at church – MTV is full of smut and only lazy people go to the late service, and the Lord Jesus doesn’t like lazy people. The 9:15am service is the only one Jesus is coming to. And because of this, I had a sick fascination with Chicago, not just for the trumpets, but also to see if I can coax an uncomfortable reaction out of my mother. Similarly, I used to watch A LOT of MTV, and I now exclusively go to the 11am service at church. This is what happens.

Regardless, I was reflecting on this and other things, when I made the decision to rip a few songs off of a Chicago “Best Of” album from the library. All of a sudden I felt this wave of teenage rebellion, even at 26, even just a week for becoming a homeowner.

My God, I feel like something spiritual is going on during the guitar solo. How did you do that? Is it just me? Or is this the most amazing solo of all time? Is it the trumpets? I’ve always had a thing about trumpets.

I don’t know – but my home won’t be a Chicago free zone. That’s what time it really is.