Monthly Archives: October 2010

Dear Boyfriend Sweater,

Posted on Saturday, October 30, 2010 by

When the weather gets colder I love taking you off the shelf and unfolding you. I remember buying you at the Gap: a clearance priced men’s sweater, perfectly over-sized. I called you my Boyfriend Sweater. Because if I had a … Continue reading →

Posted in Love | 2 Comments

Dear Alarmist Weathermen,

Posted on Friday, October 22, 2010 by

Everyone was saying that this storm system that’s moving through the Midwest was going to be big. Really big. Broadcast repeatedly were pictures from the Plains States of general carnage caused by the ice and snow that would surely be our doom. … Continue reading →

Posted in Hate | 17 Comments

Dear Toothpaste Companies,

Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 by

I’d like to know where you get off. For a product which your consumers are asked politely not to eat and in fact, spit out of their mouths, toothpaste is expensive. And I would consider it far from a luxury … Continue reading →

Posted in Hate | 20 Comments

Dear Unfortunate Nickname I Can’t Shake,

Posted on Friday, October 8, 2010 by

My freshman year of college was a learning experience. One important lesson I learned begins as so: One night, as many people who could fit in an aged Ford Taurus (including myself) went to Wal-Mart and went to McDonalds for … Continue reading →

Posted in Love, This One Time At Band Camp... | 6 Comments

Dear Tall Guys Who Appear To Only Date Girls Who Are Very Short,

Posted on Friday, October 1, 2010 by

I alluded to your type before. I know you’re out there. I’ve seen you around. You’re 6’4″ and your girlfriend is 5’2″. She comes up to about your wrist. And it makes me fucking crazy. Not only do I seethe … Continue reading →

Posted in Hate, Wish In One Hand, Crap In The Other | 95 Comments