Dear Guys Who Marry Dowdy Girls,

I’m not sure if you had the picture of your perfect woman in your head when you were a little boy. I know that sometimes the ideal and the real don’t meet. Believe me. I also know that people tend to gravitate, for better or worse, toward someone that reminds them of their mother or father. Naturally, I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has the industriousness, kindness and humor of my father (minus the crippling OCD) – but I don’t actually want to marry my father. It just seems to me that when you marry a dowdy girl, you’re not just marrying the characteristics that were charming about your mother, you are marrying your mother.

It has just seemed like, lately, to me, the married girls (by girl I mean 20 to 30 year old young women, roughly my own age) I meet in my own life and see in the Milestones section of the paper are just appear overwhelmingly…dowdy. Plain, reasonably uninteresting, unfashionable, unopinionated – they have pageboy hair cuts waaay before it’s age-appropriate, vacant stares, quiet voices, terrible taste in music. Perhaps I’m being judgmental, but I’m not talking about all the girls who are getting married. There just seems to be a bumper crop.

I just don’t understand what you like about them. Maybe I just haven’t gotten to know them well enough. Perhaps there is a dynamic, confident, interesting, fun girl in that package. I just don’t see how they seem to be a hot commodity when I girl like me seems to be the one sitting on the sidelines. Okay, so I waver toward angry, I can be loud, I live at home, some might consider me immature, I’m a speeder and I had bad (but resolving!) skin. But Jesus, I go to church with fair regularity, I have a college degree, I make a bomb-ass lasagna, I have a real job, I tend to be fairly hysterical in person, I can be a lot of fun to be around and in the right light I’m kinda pretty. WTF? Just because my idea of fashion doesn’t involve an outfit from Christopher Banks!? It has got to be bigger than this.

I am so frustrated with you guys that pick these girls. Were you not trying that hard? Did you give up? Were they a sure bet? Did you share their terrible taste in music? Is it because they liked the Lord of the Rings and I said it was stupid?! Hey – I sat through five of the six Star Wars – that has got to count for something!

Did you know that I would never decorate with a floral print?! Your whole life is going to be Scrabble Nights and floral prints, you know! What kills me is that guys who marry dowdy girls tend to be the kind of guys I could like – kinda sarcastic, always tall (See also “Dear Tall Guys who Marry Girls who Are Five Feet Tall or Shorter, Don’t You Know There are Eligible Bachlorettes who Are 5’10” Who Don’t Want To Wear Flats Their Whole Lives, You Know, Goddammit”), usually an IT guy, drives a sedan.

Wisdom might dictate that you have to be yourself, but myself has not attracted many takers. Do I need to become dowdy to get hitched? What ever happened to being myself?! I don’t get it.

9/10/10 PS: What a difference a few years make…hooo boy…biiitt-ter. I would like to say that I stand by the point of this letter, which is that I will never understand why some men would prefer to have their parts in a jar in a house decorated in floral prints than to hang out with someone cool. And, I’m kinda feeling smug, because myself eventually did find a taker.

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13 Responses to Dear Guys Who Marry Dowdy Girls,

  1. mr-b says:

    Why? Great ex and lots of it!

  2. mr-b says:

    Why? Great sex and lots of it!

  3. lisa says:

    oooh, the angst. I feel exactly how you feel. You know you are pretty, smarter than the average gal, funny and cool. But then again,maybe we are just a bit bias. Although, I do have great taste. And I know I’m hot. I know, you have heard it all before, the comments that you’ll meet the right person who will appreciate you more, or the right guy hasn’t come along yet. Whatever right. Maybe it is the challenge. The fact that you are a handful intimidates them. And this is a good thing, it means no losers would even attempt to deign to ask for your number.

  4. CupCate says:

    This is a fantastic post.

    I totally agree. I just got married, and I’d like to think that I’m anti-dowdy.

    (No floral decorating, trades blogging for scrabble, no pageboy haircut, enjoys drinks over than wine coolers…)

    I think some of it is just that this type of girl is “safe”. She’s not going to yell and scream at you. She’s a doormat. She’s agreeable and makes dinner every night. She’s routine, and routines are safe.

    Sure some of them I’m sure are interesting, and duh yes I realize that not ever seemingly “dowdy” girl is uninteresting…But this type of girl DOES EXIST.

    I don’t get it either. But you SERIOUSLY do not need to be dowdy to get hitched…I promise. Unfortunately it just takes the anti-dowdy girls longer to find an anti-dowdy guy.

  5. get a clue BABE says:

    Hmmm, well. Did you say hello to me when I said Hi? Or did you frown, look down or away and treat me like a serial rapist?
    Did you say thanks when I held the door (and tried to catch you) as you tried to balance your coffee, purse, cell phone while you heel caught the crack and made you stumble? Or did you snarl at me for being within two feet of you?
    Did you just walk by with the blank thousand yard stare when I asked you to dance? Or did you get pissed off when I asked the “dowdy” girl? Who, btw could dance pretty well, had a killer sense of humor, was pretty damn confident when given a chance and wondered why you were being such a stuck up bitch.

  6. O. Dear says:

    Oh, sweetheart!! Obviously, you don’t know me…I mean, my blog really isn’t representative of my dating life…in fact, I don’t really talk about my dating life unless I’m totally pissed about it. And this time I was.

    I would kill to have a guy do all those nice things for me…and for the record, I have never, ever, ever, EVER done any of those things to ANY guy I’ve ever met. Not even to strangers. Not even in a bar. Not even when I was drinking. I realize that in this letter I appear to be a little more stuck-up-bitch than I truly am. I wish you would have left a way for me to contact you so I could tell you that personally. Please come back!

  7. Mr Jolly says:

    Or you might just ask, why do the anti-dowdy girls end up with such safe, dreary men? Why do I have to find attractive in “dowdy” ladies those qualities that I’m not really too interested in, or else sit at home watching my life pass me by? Because the vivacious, the exciting, the gorgeous, they’ve all been won by the safe and dreary. Wish I could start again, only this time knowing the rules.

  8. Katy says:

    This post makes people crazy, yo.

    Anyway, dowdy girls are safe. And I am not dowdy, therefore unsafe. I definitely have ignored plenty of guys though, I screen phone calls, give out fake numbers, have make believe boyfriends and even a fake wedding ring. I would say that its because I am picky, but looking at my track record, that is clearly a LIE. I date assholes. I like the excitment for about ten seconds. But here’s the deal, if you’re too sweet you aren’t going to be able to keep up with me. So what I am trying to say I guess, a guy that chooses a dowdy girl, a safe girl, a vanilla girl would never appreciate the complexity of our unstable, hilarious, and undowdy selves.

    Let the dreary men have to dowdy women… I’ll be passing out fake phone numbers and going on and on about my make-believe lover, Carlos, until you prove you can keep up with me.

  9. O. Dear says:

    Mr. Jolly – Hmm…I never thought about that. I think it may have something to do with balance…you know, like, maybe the anti-dowdy girl likes the safe boy because he’s stable…I don’t know. Interesting.

    Katy – I know!! I wish I could have imported the comments from the other time…man…there were like 20 something. People go crazy on this shit. Do you remember my imaginary boyfriend, like sophomore year? The guy who looked like John Mayer and was in my J200 class? And I would pretend we were in a fight?? I think this is why we’re friends and I’m not currently in a long-term mental health facility.

  10. Aeropilot says:

    You’re a very disturbed young woman. Why are so many superficial things getting you down? Oh … sorry, it’s your fifteen-minutes of fame, isn’t it? Silly me.

  11. Mike says:

    If you want to attract a guy, just tell him that you will never nag, never complain, never pressure, never bitch and basically get quieter and more agreeable as you age and get uglier. If you say this exact statement to a guy, he will be very impressed. Trust me.

  12. jen says:

    I get and agree with the gist of the post as well.
    But what I’m bothered by more, as a woman of just-above-average-height, is my love for tall men and them *always* dating bitches who be like 5’2″.

    Also, glad yr back. =)

  13. Lily says:

    Are you a child? Stop you elitist “I’m better than them because i am educated, pretty, big boobed, and I have a “real” job.” You just sound like a jealous child. Other people are picked over you because they clearly evidently have better points that other people desire over your superficial ones. Evidently, it’s your personality or character. Stop stereotyping that they are “unfashionable, unopinionated, have a page boy hair cut.” That’s equivalent to me assuming based on your ignorance that your a blonde big boobed bimbo with a plastic surgery and Botox dependency. And the “cool” girl might never be the best wife material. Please learn how to humble yourself, maybe read a book. It seems you haven’t done much of that.

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