Dear Disconcerting Lack Of Internet,

I don’t ask much from you, Internet Service Provider. It’s simple, really. I want constant connectivity, pages that download before I hit menopause and no pop-ups. No pop-ups! I don’t think it’s too much to ask. This being said, when checking my email becomes something that involves “power cycling” computer equipment, I hope you’ll understand why I’m so upset.

You know what’s even more infuriating? Watching your DSL commercial – which I know is a complete load of horse shit – while I’ve got my hand in some crevasse, fishing out a wire I’ve lost. All of this effort just so I can see all the people who haven’t emailed me.

This happened for two nights in a row, you know. Sunday and Monday night I found myself asking God if this was a test. Perhaps something about tenacity or burgeoning internet addiction.

I’m just saying, if happens again, you’ll know that hunk of burnt, steaming plastic in front of your offices is my modem – you sons of bitches.

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3 Responses to Dear Disconcerting Lack Of Internet,

  1. JoAnn says:

    That’s exactly how I feel. Bravo

  2. nicole says:

    omg that is so true

  3. Austin says:

    “while I’ve got my hand in some crevasse”

    That’s what she said?

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