Monthly Archives: October 2010

Dear Boyfriend Sweater,

When the weather gets colder I love taking you off the shelf and unfolding you. I remember buying you at the Gap: a clearance priced men’s sweater, perfectly over-sized. I called you my Boyfriend Sweater. Because if I had a … Continue reading

Posted in Love | 2 Comments

Dear Alarmist Weathermen,

Everyone was saying that this storm system that’s moving through the Midwest was going to be big. Really big. Broadcast repeatedly were pictures from the Plains States of general carnage caused by the ice and snow that would surely be our doom. … Continue reading

Posted in Hate | 17 Comments

Dear Toothpaste Companies,

I’d like to know where you get off. For a product which your consumers are asked politely not to eat and in fact, spit out of their mouths, toothpaste is expensive. And I would consider it far from a luxury … Continue reading

Posted in Hate | 20 Comments

Dear Unfortunate Nickname I Can’t Shake,

My freshman year of college was a learning experience. One important lesson I learned begins as so: One night, as many people who could fit in an aged Ford Taurus (including myself) went to Wal-Mart and went to McDonalds for … Continue reading

Posted in Love, This One Time At Band Camp... | 6 Comments

Dear Tall Guys Who Appear To Only Date Girls Who Are Very Short,

I alluded to your type before. I know you’re out there. I’ve seen you around. You’re 6’4″ and your girlfriend is 5’2″. She comes up to about your wrist. And it makes me fucking crazy. Not only do I seethe … Continue reading

Posted in Hate, Wish In One Hand, Crap In The Other | 95 Comments