Updated

Well, well, well…looky what we got here. 

Despite all the time I spent writing on this site, it feels kinda weird to see “Add New Post > To Whom It May Concern” on the top of the page. There were just a few things I was thinking you might be interested in knowing about. I think there are still quite a few of you, at least that’s what my site meter tells me.

First off, I still hate Twitter. In fact, if I was still writing this blog I’d write a long letter to whatever asshole came up with Twitter. The fact that Ashton Kutcher uses Twitter solitifies my righteous theory. If I love you and you use Twitter, I will still love you, but I will wholly ignore your use of Twitter to communicate with others. Facebook statuses are enough.

A photo of Pea and I was selected for inclusion in the We Feel Fine book. I haven’t heard anything about it’s release, but it was a wonderful thing to be included. Like the style illustrated in their gallery (seriously, check it out), they are going to use the words “I sometimes wonder how people become friends and why the bonds can feel so strong,” over the picture.

I wrote a more fleshed out version of the Steak n’ Steak story for Of Folly And Vice. I’ve tried not to repeat stories between the blogs, because I know there were some people who followed me over. Honestly, being completely exhausted by the same story told over and over is really a priviledge reserved for the people closest to me.

I finally got to see Alkaline Trio in concert. I originally wanted to give my brother the tickets for his birthday, but his now fiancee informed me they had bought tickets for both Chicago shows. So I bought two tickets anyway, and thought, fuck it, I want to go. I’m not too old.

Turns out, I’m a little bit old. But not too old. It was a really good, really loud and really fun show. I’ve been going to a lot of country shows, because I’ve got some connections for free tickets. But I really haven’t been to the kind of shows lately where the possibility of being involuntarily moshed is present. It’s the sort of excitement that only gets more daunting the older you get.

Finally, I wanted to let everyone know that I am now happily in a relationship with a very kind, hysterical and adorable British man. My girl friend, Jessi, and I ventured out to this dive bar we regularly went to, prior to becoming broke-ass homeowners. We went to drink and sing karoake. He was immediately endeared to me, being the sort of man who will sing “Sexyback” to a room full of drunk strangers. And do a really fucking good job. This blog is one of the first things I told him about myself, mostly because I thought if it didn’t scare him off, then nothing else would. It did not. He’s a keeper, let me tell you. He’s also significantly taller than myself. Bonus.

I thought this was an important thing to tell you, Internets, because of the general tone of this blog. You know, the bitchy, nasty tone. I’ve had some requests from friends to end the masturbation that is Of Folly And Of Vice and restart this blog. They even give me ideas for new letters. I can’t do it. This part of my life is over.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t just found someone and become a giant, walking, babbling vagina. I consider myself now slightly more, well, measured. This has made space for new emotions, such as contented, pleased, and yes, even happy. It is possible, kids.

He showed up at my house one evening in February with a distressed sweater. He says, “I thought you could use this.”

At first I had no idea what he was talking about. “What? A turtleneck?” I say this because I unknowingly ruin all romantic moments in which I am involved.

“No, a Boyfriend Sweater. You should have a real one.”

It is possible that you can be the self-proclaimed Angriest Girl In The Room, and be completely humbled when a British man shows up at your door holding a sweater. For you.

Consider yourself updated. I sincerely hope you are also doing well.

Love, Love, Love

“Life is so amazingly rich and I know I have [cancer] to thank for making that realization more full than it normally would be at my age.”

I have written a lot of times about my friend, Jason, who we called “Sweet Pea”. He guested letters for me and was a big supporter of this blog during it’s run. I feel obligated, as supporters of this blog and readers of his words, to let you know that he passed away yesterday at 26.

A world without Pea is not a world I expected to live in when I met him eight years ago. He was just a kid from St. Louis, another new person to get to know in our isolated dorm. He had this captivating personality, hysterical observations and very specific time lines for the completion of tasks.

We did a lot of growing during our college experiences, as our lives intertwined into one another and weaved in and out. It was poetry, the way we all came together. We struggled, fought, cried, laughed, hugged, partied, cheered on our college team, and each other - together. As I wrote once before on the subject – “I sometimes wonder how people become friends and why the bonds can feel so strong. Like, in romantic relationships, there’s attraction, some sort of biology involved. What about friends? Is it just your interests? Is it something about intelligence? Humor? Is it just coincidence? What if I had chosen a different school, a different building, a different major? Would those people I encountered mattered as much to me now – an entire 7 (now 8) years later?”

And it hurts. It hurts so bad that I don’t even feel anything. And we are full of the “I should have…” and the “We were going to…” and that hurts even more. We all knew it could happen, but it didn’t feel possible.

There is so much to remember. I will remember this – everyday you will be in my heart.

Dear Internet,

It is with this that I leave you. That is, in this way. With a letter. I leave the letters behind as I start a new chapter in my life, I leave a little bit of you behind with it.

Oh, Internets, I am going to miss this. I have had a lot of fun doing this. But let’s be honest. After three years and 300 letters, I’m tired. Not to mention the fact that I’m starting a new chapter in my personal life and I think it would be a good place to end this particular project.

Alright, it didn’t start out as a project, it started out as a destraction. Things were tough, man. I was living at home, I had about three friends within 50 miles, I was ready to quit my job and work in a flower shop just to make the pain stop, I was sad a lot, I was still adjusting to the idea that I wasn’t in college anymore and getting over the fact that my ex-boyfriend was not going to call me and beg for me to come back. I needed somewhere else to exist, somewhere else to be. And I started this to make fun of myself, make fun of other people and just entertain.

Turns out, Internet, you had bigger plans than that. I was absolutely floored by the response I received, by people who had no blood obligationto enjoy anything I wrote. People emailing, saying hi, befriending the MySpace I started for the blog – geniunely nice, telling me how much they liked it, how funny. I mean, amazing. I can’t even describe it.

I just have to mention a few people who have played a big part of my personal life and my blog life – my dear, dear, dear friend Austin, who continues to be nice to me, even after I call his voicemail in the middle of the night, drunk and yelling GREG KLEIN, GREG KLEIN ANSWERED HIS PHONE BUT NO YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT YOU DON’T ANSWER YOUR PHONE. And then prattle on about nonsense before abruptly hanging up. Also, my beautiful and newly engaged friends, Patand Melissa, who have provided me a couch in the city many a night, trusted me to keep their dog alive, and told so many people about this blog and followed it up by saying “No, it’s not like that – it’s really good!” I want to thank my best girl friend in the whole world, Sarah, who loves s’mores and laughing as much as I do, for geting in and out of trouble with me for the last ten years, who I’d wear a sleeveless pink dress for everysinglefucking day. Thank you to my heterosexual life partner and college roommate, Jodie, who never fails to keep a smile on my face. I am so thankful for my amazing friend Jason aka Sweet Pea, who is a constant inspriation. I am always on Team Jason. For my dear friend Dan, who helped me through those dark days with good stories and a good drink. And for Gillian, for Katy, my bitchcake – for Greg, for Goobs, for Erika. I am forever thankful to my friends, Erin, Jessi and Maggie, and for my new roommate Lisa, for being a new support network for me out here. I am indebt for the support of my brother, Kevin and his girlfriend, Vicky.

I want to also say thanks to my new friend Jeff, who I would not have met if I hadn’t done this. Jeff and I both write “To Whom It May Concern”s, albeit with different ideas behind them. Jeff’s site has been around much longer, and will continue on after this site is gone. And even though I stole his blog’s name (unintentionally) and said he was bad at his job, he still sent me a mix CD.

Last but not least, I want to thank the other bloggers who stopped by early and gave me a link or said hi or wrote letters for me, including Mike, Leah, Lydia, Snippy, Matlabfreak, Cullotte Folle, Little Birdie, Sarah, Eric Spitznagel, Jen, and many, many others.

Thank you from the bottom of my cold, black heart. Seriously. I loved writing these letters and it has been a fantastic, amazing, overwhelming, fun and geniunely good time.

PS: Everything will stay up for some time. If you are interested, please follow me to my next project – Of Folly And Of Vice, which is where I will writing from now on.

Dear Singing Neighbor,

Oh, believe me, friend, I know Guitar Hero is awesome, And believe me, my singing voice has graced many an ear, thanks to me unbelievable interest in karaoke. But it’s kinda weirding me out now. Nearly every time I’ve left my condo to smoke on my patio I hear the little clicks of the Guitar Hero guitar and you butchering another rock song. No matter the time or day. I’m starting to wonder if you’re training for some Super Guitar Hero Concert, the prize for which would eliminate your debt and buy you a new car. Because you are serious about this. Serious like it’s your job. Which, based on the hours you seem to keep, appears to be non-existent.

I think the issue here really isn’t the fact that you love singing. It’s the volume. And the clicking. Oh, and your insistence on not closing your patio doors.

You know, our complex is predominantly occupied by the elderly. I don’t know what it is, either, ok? For some reason, I never thought that a condominium complex deep in the heart of the western suburbs of Chicago would attract so many Q-tip heads. I just didn’t see it as a place for old people. But here we are. I’ve got to ask – how many times have you had the cops called on you?

I’m over here debating whether or not laughing loudly is going to summon the DuPage County Sheriff, and you apparently have no fear of law enforcement or your itchy 9-1-1 fingered neighbors.

Perhaps we can channel our powers for good? I’m pretty excellent at being the singer for Rockband…Just BTW.

 

Dear Cancer (Guest Letter),

~Sigh~

It has been a long strange trip these last four years and I am so ready to be done with you forever. Given my age and the unique timing of my diagnosis, I feel like I went straight from college onto another degree and should now be earning my PhD in the big C. If only they offered such things… It all started that fateful last night of college classes in the spring semester of 2004, with that ever-so-telling shout from my pal Guubs from across the party as Lele and Kiki (real names) and I were heading out to the ER to get my sudden severe headache checked out: “At least it’s not a brain tumor!”

Yeah. Woops!

You have really turned my life upside down over and over again. But I guess it hasn’t been all that bad. I’ve definitely gotten to be the center of attention a lot more than I would have without you. And I do love attention. You are just always right there taking up time and creating hassles. I can’t really imagine my life without you now. Once somebody said to me “don’t let the cancer define you” …and I guess in some ways I try to keep you out of everything in my life that I can, but it’s kind of hard sometimes. That really annoyed me in some ways, this person that said that, because they had no clue what it was like to live with a life-threatening illness in your early 20s.

I have met some amazing people and been to some pretty cool places because of you, cancer. From a zip line outside of Austin to a ski slope in Montana, you’ve provided me with several free trips and the memories to boot, not to mention an easy ticket in to some of the top medical facilities in the country. I can’t say I haven’t ‘done this right’ every step of the way. Being here in DC where I ended up also helped a little bit. One thing I have to say for you, cancer, is that you pick some amazingly inspiring people to bother in their 20s and 30s. I would never still be tickin’ without the subtle yet invaluable inspiration of my fellow young adult survivors. What an incredible community.

Knowing there is life during and after cancer, even after 3 and 4 times around the block (yes!) is what keeps me going. I honestly still know and feel that I can move through this and past this in one way or another. Cancer, you won’t always be a part of my life. The longer I keep kicking your ass down, the closer the world will get to a real solution for you and all I have to do is keep on going. Life is so amazingly rich and I know I have you to thank for making that realization more full than it normally would be at my age.

Now leave me the fuck alone. Go away. I’m done with you.

Love,

J, known to this crowd by his endearing college nickname “Sweet Pea,” is a four-year brain cancer survivor superstar. Aside from beating cancer’s ass on the regular, J has been busy the last couple years building a career in social marketing through his first full-time job in our nation’s capital. This summer he is transitioning back to St. Louis where he will begin his Masters in Social Work at Washington University’s George Warren Brown School this August. 

J is passionately involved in the young adult cancer survivorship community, having co-created a networking and support group for young survivors in DC and as a volunteer moderator on Planet Cancer’s social networking site, MyPlanet. In his free time, J enjoys scratching things off his to-do list, eating ice cream (every day) and playing with his adorable dog Riley.

PS: I also wanted to add you have the amazing opportunity to support Pea through his website, Team Jason, where he also posts his feelings and progress kicking cancer’s ass a third time.

PPS: I LOVE YOU, PEA!